How to Spot the Robot in Your Organization

As some of you have heard, I was recently RIF'd.

For those of you not up on your corporate biz-speak, RIF or Reduction In Force is the politically sensitive way of eliminating people.

Now a days, you don't actually "fire" people, you just tell them that their jobs have been eliminated. It's very much like the scene in the movie Office Space when they discover that Milton was still getting a pay check - they just fixed "the glitch".

I was ultimately fired by a robot. A "Mark-5" model to be specific.

Let me explain.

The "Mark-5" model of robot is a highly specialized machine that has been designed from the ground up to, well, grind down. If it was fully human, you might call it a social climber, the Mark-5 robot only knows how to climb corporate ladders by viewing the world through spreadsheets -- in other words all of its actions are based on "running-the-numbers" and verifying the output satisfies the borg collective it is a part of.

The Mark-5 that took me out has a highly evolved processing unit, thanks to its exhibiting what can best be described as Asperger's Syndrome where in humans, its described as:

The lack of demonstrated empathy is possibly the most dysfunctional aspect of Asperger syndrome. Individuals with AS experience difficulties in basic elements of social interaction, which may include a failure to develop friendships or to seek shared enjoyments or achievements with others (for example, showing others objects of interest), a lack of social or emotional reciprocity, and impaired nonverbal behaviors in areas such as eye contact, facial expression, posture, and gesture.

Unlike those with autism, people with AS are not usually withdrawn around others; they approach others, even if awkwardly. For example, a person with AS may engage in a one-sided, long-winded speech about a favorite topic, while misunderstanding or not recognizing the listener's feelings or reactions, such as a need for privacy or haste to leave. This social awkwardness has been called "active but odd". This failure to react appropriately to social interaction may appear as disregard for other people's feelings, and may come across as insensitive.

AS is no laughing matter. And thanks to all sorts of really good medications, most people with AS live rich and fulfilling lives!

But I'm talking about a robot here that doesn't even know its a robot. And to some extent, is a more credible concern than asteroids hitting the earth or a zombie attack.

The Mark-5 robots are easy to spot. Look for the following conditions:

1. Upper Middle Management -- usually fully exhibit The Peter Principle in that they have reached that level of incompetence faster than anyone else.
2. Glassy Eye Stare -- its not so much that they don't blink or don't make eye contact they do but with their minimal processing units, the world to them looks very much like The Scanner Darkly and they have to constantly scan for "friend or foe". The default is always "foe".
3. No "sense" of humor. No point in even trying.
4. OCD tendencies-- usually rigidly fastidious and an unhealthy fascination with working out as its the only way they can discharge the undecipherable customs and rituals of the humans they are in charge of herding. See Replicant.

The good news is that once you've identified the robot, remediation can begin almost immediately because once you've realized that they are robots all their patterns of behavior become transparently clear. They become predictable. You'll know what they are going to do WAY before they have calculated it themselves. In fact they are wholly incapable of surprise. Only errors in processing.

I believe in coincidences as should you. They frequently describe the state of the world in the simplest way possible.

However, I put more "faith" if you will in cause and effect. When you become really good at seeing patterns, you have the ever so slight advantage of being able to reasonably guess what effect will come from what cause. And since all effects become causes that feed into yet more effects, it is like surfing a wave.

It's no coincidence I wore blue jeans and my Superman T-shirt to work on Tuesday...